I have to say this out loud,  life moves on.  It changes and changes you and your dreams.
Peace, comfort and hope,  all pieces of a puzzle you are yet to solve.  For now we, are idyllically playing the game,  hoping to somehow reach the blazing horizons.  I know there are some teachings remaining somewhere.  A subset of the remaining lessons soon to come.  I just hope that inspite of the mistakes,  in lieu of the price i have already paid,  i just hope that the lessons, would be easier.  That they won't take a chunk out of my soul. Justifiably scared given all it took to reach this, semblance of peace.

When tomorrow comes i hope for a, stronger me.  With my very few loved ones still keeping me sane.  When tomorrow comes,  i hope i stop looking back.  The, affections of adoloscence erased from my mind. All my energy only on today and tomorrow. I don't want to be a better person,  i just want a relatively pain free future with my hopes not shattered,  dreams not so far out of reach.  And more importantly my passions,  my love and love of life intact.

So help me God!

All sincerely
xx#drukenramblings

After a long time, few words running on a loop

"Tum saath ho, ya na ho
kya fark hai

Bedard thi zindagi.. bedard hai
Agar tum saath ho!"

I try to break all these rule, in the only hope to reach a moral epiphany. Sadly all it brings me is chaos and a weird sense of peace, looking at myself-so unmoved by the chaos.

How can it turn out to be so, being so afraid and still so in want of tomorrow.  

Around me, many melodramas unfold. I try to understand the knick and knacks of 'living'.To better the tomorrow, sometimes u have to try a different approach.Sometimes, ( as always) u have to think out of your box. The rigmaroles of your highly stressed out life, leave nothing, nothing much at least to provide you with an unconventional thinking style. Mostly everyday, its the basic 'khana-peena-sona' basic which makes your world go around.

Then how do you try to make your mark on what you aim?? 

Ain't that simple as we all thought. Not at all. 

When we are young we think that, come the age of 22-23 we will have the world, or at least our locality lapping up our feet. We thought we would be the toast of town. tch tch tch. Till now it hasn't even taken a step in that direction.

Time is a funny thing.. It certainly heals, sometimes makes you look back at your choices and the moments which have faded away. If you have managed to keep your sanity and let your principles guide you, this look back certainly won't be bitter. For the losses, there are always experiences, life altering moments and people who have enriched you.

If you have somehow managed to give your best to people and situations, looking back, there will be only a lingering fondness. The smiles, laughter, good times and the childhood as well as adolescence all a fleeting mirage in the pool of time. The wisdom and memories, may they stand you in good stead, as you stand looking at the future.

At the end of all the complexities, choices and worries, sincerely 'No Regrets'

A very apt point was made to me. Given the time, the situation and the people, we might adjust & realign our expectations. We might force ourselves to understand and accept. And given this, we may provide a tacit encouragement to the behavior, the person and the situation.

This may work for some years, for a time period which only your patience can define. But the thing which we have to accept is that somethings don't run on a single wheel. 

The Memory

There are days when the start of existence feels so obliterated. There are days when i need to remind myself to forcefully remember her. Because when i do, suddenly words leave me, and i start falling into a pit of melancholy.

All the occasions which she missed and the future ones which need her the most, everything wraps up and becomes a huge hole in the wall. A wall of blackness and loss. It is indeed another day, and similar to the times gone by, i will manage. But your being would have made every happiness a million times stronger and your being would have dissolved all the tears. Something reminded me of you. In a beautiful way..

The loss makes me rewind, and look back. It makes me realize that the time we had was beautiful. The bond we shared, the fights we had and what i learned from you. Everything was magic. There are losses, but then there are losses which haunt you forever.


"She was my mother, but I was motherless. I was trapped by her, but utterly alone. She would always be the empty bowl that no one could full. I’d have to fill it myself again and again and again."