With time, with every futile effort, and when you reach the end of one story- you learn to give up or give in to that emotion.
But is being constant the real challenge of today or growing up, accepting and changing? After the darkness, after you have laid down your randomness, it is then that the lesson becomes your aftermath.
Everyday I still struggle, and I know the struggle will keep on going.
Not Because, I am weak, But because 'then' was perfect and now, I have to make it better than perfect. Not a mean feat.

loL
Laugh?
Naah, its a feeling much stronger.
Now im a total CYNIC..

Yes- widowed thats what you just became

If I could change my name, move to another town.
If I could work everything in a different way,
turn into a kid and grow up again.
So much to change,
So much to forget
So many people I wish had never met
Others I wish I could hug them tighter
Only if life would had no regrets

No use, No use.
Its no use now.
When times change, lunge the corpse of your happiness around.
You quit, I quit,
I cant keep pretending now.

Keeping the faith was the harder thing,
hoping that tomorrow we would see dawn again, was hardest.
Yet as you fail to believe, here you fail me.
I wish I could scream, i wish I could shout,
No way to show this hurt around :(
Closing up like a dying bird, I chop my wings tonight.
I seem this, I look like that
Yet I still dont know what your lesson has been about

I dont believe in good
I dont believe In people
I dont believe that Love can cure it all.
I dont want to believe in belief right now
You have torn me down to my pieces.

....................................................................................
It is/was the last.

last letter she wrote to him in this digital age. words she had, love she had, he had none.
SO
Girl- Now 'Thank' him for the final teaching!
Boy- Take your love and carry on hating her till the 'end'


Finally this is the end.
.....................................................................................

This change of mine

College life is over both factually and now again virtually!

Everyday I see updates on the social networks- miss you's, proud batch mates, and photographs of teary farewells. makes me feel out of this race of bidding adieu. Strange, few months back I thought leaving college would be this big emotional drama of my life, would create a lacuna in this happy go lucky world of mine.
Few months later- zipping to today, I stand proved wrong. This apathy to the big emotion of stepping out of the college world neither stuns me nor seems too normal to me. Turns out, its people and memories you cherish rather than some building.
This sense of melancholy I see in my college mates, maybe because the feeling of change has hit them just some weeks back. If I think it over,it would be their near and dear ones they would miss, they would miss the routine which graduation provided, the sense of security.

I haven't over-analysed this hardened heart of mine till now. Sure it pinches me when I see the people I spent 4 years of my life smiling and waving in photographs. Sure its weird that here I am away from all the known, living in the unknown. Sure its a sense of sadness when I see millions of memories of hundreds of people and not even one is of mine.
But I guess its all right. Its all well, because Iv had months to acclimatize to this scenario. I dn't feel pity or sadness, its just a sense of bewilderment! (How could plans change so much? How could it turn out to be so. Few men and women I called my own, how could they have changed so much?)

I am no longer a woman, who would freely portray her feelings, most of the time what I say now is some jumbled up facade.
Doesn't matter if i am not in the memory or default albums of people, I guess its all in the head. Won't dedicate big words and lines and poems to this feeling, all I have to say is
Would miss this life I had been living, would miss the 'people' who made their place in my heart. Some stood the test of time, some sadly fell apart. Yet
College life was fun!
:)

It's been raining since you left me
Now I'm drowning in the flood
You see I've always been a fighter
But without you I give up

Now your pictures that you left behind
Are just memories of a different life
Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry
One that made you have to say goodbye
What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair
To touch your lips, to hold you near
When you say your prayers try to understand
I've made mistakes, I'm just a (wo)man

Well, there ain't no luck
In these loaded dice
But baby if you give me just one more try
We can pack up our old dreams
And our old lives
We'll find a place where the sun still shines

And I will love you, baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don't rhyme
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you - Always

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that i'm hearing are starting to get old
Feels like i'm starting all over again
The last two year were just pretend

It hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want whats yours and whats mine
I want you but i'm not giving in this time

Good-bye to you
Good-bye to everything that i knew
You were the one that i loved
The one thing that i tried to hold on to

Ma.

Ma,
You have no replacement. You are still the shining star of my life.
I wish you were here with me, I wish we would have bonded the way mothers and daughters do. You have been the woman I look up to, you have been my inspiration in every way, at every step.
Now that your girl has become a woman; I wish you would have been here to see me. because your love would have softened all the blows, your presence would have comforted me when i was at my lowest, your hands would have soothed my broken heart.
I remember you Ma, your love, your care, your patience and at times your impatience.
I miss your wake up calls at 5 am. I miss how you edged me on to read. Thats your legacy to me.
I love the way you hummed some tunes, i miss the way you looked splendid in you silk saris.
I will always look up to you, you still make me proud. There is so much to say about you, and suddenly i find words are less. The beauty and grace you showed, the child-like happiness you found in everything from a flower to the cool wind, everything about you is special Ma. You still reside in my heart, your space is always there..
Your the woman i wish I would be, I wish I still had you, your presence is thoroughly missed yet even in your absence you lead me on.
And thats you Ma.
Your my idol- and hopefully you will be proud of your girl.
Hopefully I'll fulfill all the dreams you and dad have for me.
Love you Ma- Happy Mothers Day

No, no, not now, not ever would I be the fool again.
Because the lessons of love and this life have been made so damn plain.
Not now, Not ever again, would I fall to your tricks again