I am angry, I am sad.

Excerpt from William Blake: Broken Love

Dost thou not in pride and scorn
Fill with tempests all my morn,
And with jealousies and fears
Fill my pleasant nights with tears?

‘And seven more loves in my bed
Crown with wine my mournful head,
Pitying and forgiving all
Thy transgressions great and small.

‘O’er my sins thou sit and moan:
Hast thou no sins of thy own?
O’er my sins thou sit and weep,
And lull thy own sins fast asleep.

‘What transgressions I commit
Are for thy transgressions fit.
They thy harlots, thou their slave;
And my bed becomes their grave.

‘Never, never, I return:
Still for victory I burn.
Living, thee alone I’ll have;
And when dead I’ll be thy grave.

Hear me out, my love
for there are no suns, and no moons. In our land there is no facade and no lines.
Between you and me, we created a world, flawed yet divine.
Hear me our my love, before this moment ceases to live,
hear me out when i declare the depths and granularities of my mind and soul.For this
is where my world stops rotating, as i look into your eyes,
for this is where your smile enchants me out of all the losses and lies. For with you I try to surrender the ifs and buts, and the should haves and have nots. I follow you around your paths, hoping to be taken in. Listen to me, my love, in this world, till now we have stood apart. But holding my hand, you shall see the amazing lit up sky, with me, you shall see that hope stands out. I will teach you my love, by example, how it is, when you surrender to whims of the heart. I will learn from you, how to captivate hearts. Fot this is it my love, this is where we shall be. Look across the window my love, the dawn arises!

It is so weird to see another picture. It is so weird to see another love story you are loving! It is so weird to see the same old notions you follow, same songs you sing, same actions you declare. Everything same, just the object of affection changed.

Stings, yes it does. After all Humans we are :)

The road is too long, I cant see its end! There have been mirages now and then. But ultimately what has and will survive is the beginning and whatever will be the end. Again I lead to a divergence, a path where people let go. Another path which shows the beginning of something new and something painful.

I keep looking for a place to rest.

The evening is drifting away as i look out of this window.There are some lights dimming across the bay, the lights reflected on the water, followed by the bright mono colored lights neatly lining the highway. The tiny Mumbai hills dot the boundary of my vision. Some mistiness seems to surround this fading evening.
With Coldplay as my companion for the evening, its well enough. There is some beauty in this day to day scene I see, a sliver of peace, a notion of constant which calms me when I fetter away.
I need to talk.

Unknown and overrated

After a long deep slumber, something woke me up. It was as if thousands of emotions were crawling on top of my heart. It was something of a jolt. Sitting in a corner of thr room I knew I had to think of my next course of action. What was going on, my heart said. My mind had no answers. Sleep should freshen up the soul, the body, but here i was as confused as ever. What is the point of living the regular, wasnt it all about living the dream? I needed to believe in myself soon enough! Simply living I knew was out of point.
Something had been crawling all over my thoughts, I hardly knew what to do, whom to turn to. There was this humming want in the background to unchain myself and turn back to my roots. The deep seated desire to look back to whatever I had held, who ever I had called mine even if just for moments. It was as if my end was about to come. The lack of smile in my day to day ongoings, I knew my heart had been somewhere ripped apart. Its just that the pain had maybe deadened me enough already. Why couldnt I see the sunshine, why was it that whatever I wanted came to me and then went away. Was I trying too much or too little. Was no one able to understand the real me?

As I woke up with a start that night, I knew something was not right. It was like you wake up from a terrible nightmare, you look around and you find yourself alone. That huge want of finding yourself hugged by someone who loves you dearly.. the void when you look around and see that you are all alone. Family loves me, but I knew that they were too far away to fill the gap. As I sat in the corner of the room waiting for morning to come, I thought about the millions of truths and lies I had seen in the eyes of people. I shivered till the sun came up. The happiness that came with the rising slowly and bitterly also went away. All I wanted to do was to curl up in a ball and sleep my wounded heart. Wounded, yes thats what this irritating hum in my heart it. As soon as I find hope, the over-ratedness of hope starts to pinch me. For whatever its worth, tomorrow is another day!

What is it to be Brave? An act of courage, a selfless servitude or is it to silently suffer.