During my journeys, I hope to find whatever is worth finding and fighting for. As I walk the trodden paths, I hope to somehow discover an uncharted lake of serenity. And yes, I want a lake instead of an ocean. Once I have created that paradise of bliss, certainly there are some people I want standing next to me.
Once I have found that Peace, paradoxically I want the strength to fight for it and live it. I want the downfalls which we face in our lives, just to appreciate what I have got and begotten. I know I am so strange. I know what I have got is what I have lost. Yet I feel perfectly human with this travesty befalling me each time. every time I get pushed into the jungle of lost and tangled cobwebs, I think I have found solace in the peace and loneliness.
I find the rhythms of life comforting and at times strangely disturbing. I miss what I held, but I know it wasn't worth being held for long. What you believe about me, holds no threads upon my bearing. I will find whatever is worth finding and fighting for.
I will find my lake of serenity just when the sun is about to set. In that golden hue I will take a dip into my dreams. The dreams which have always been there, but so elusive right now, that I cant point them out.
I don't know what I am searching for.
I fall and I pick myself up. I lose hope yet I dream. I am lost and I find myself again, I cry and I laugh through my tears. I despair yet I believe !!!
5/30/11
5/24/11
As I see it
What we are, at times it is defined more by the people we have met and lost rather than time.
I write today to a dying friendship, living only in memory now. I write to finally mourn emotions which made sense a long time ago.
The biggest changes of life creep up to you silently. One fine day you stand looking at the vacant spot where your castle once stood. There are people who once defined your visions of life. Every plan seemed incomplete without them. And one fine day, here you are leading the paths, a sole bearer of your burdens.The mistakes we make, the choices we choose, the decisions we take and the people we stand by .. everything is a dot on your road map. Only when the dots finally connect, it is then that you see the bigger picture.
I am a believer in making mistakes, learning from them and living them. And I stick by the desicions which I have taken. Each may not be the wisest but each path I choose has made me wiser and giving my search a new direction. Everytime I faltered, I have understood whats not for me. I have been quiet at everything silently validating acts. And now I make a conscious desicion to avoid negativity. Rather to abhor it.
But no matter what facades you errect, no matter what lines you speak, no matter the good or bad, when you lose important people of your life, the heart most often breaks. I think I have had enough of that. I felt the need to change my notions once more, but I realise that its the people who always had to be changed. The notions were right. notions still make sense. Now people dont make sense to me.
Current status: Replacing Visions with notions. And replacing my old self finally. I think I have had enough..
I write today to a dying friendship, living only in memory now. I write to finally mourn emotions which made sense a long time ago.
The biggest changes of life creep up to you silently. One fine day you stand looking at the vacant spot where your castle once stood. There are people who once defined your visions of life. Every plan seemed incomplete without them. And one fine day, here you are leading the paths, a sole bearer of your burdens.The mistakes we make, the choices we choose, the decisions we take and the people we stand by .. everything is a dot on your road map. Only when the dots finally connect, it is then that you see the bigger picture.
I am a believer in making mistakes, learning from them and living them. And I stick by the desicions which I have taken. Each may not be the wisest but each path I choose has made me wiser and giving my search a new direction. Everytime I faltered, I have understood whats not for me. I have been quiet at everything silently validating acts. And now I make a conscious desicion to avoid negativity. Rather to abhor it.
But no matter what facades you errect, no matter what lines you speak, no matter the good or bad, when you lose important people of your life, the heart most often breaks. I think I have had enough of that. I felt the need to change my notions once more, but I realise that its the people who always had to be changed. The notions were right. notions still make sense. Now people dont make sense to me.
Current status: Replacing Visions with notions. And replacing my old self finally. I think I have had enough..
5/16/11
It seems that it is about to Rain. Today hopefully will be a day when all seems shiny new. If not today then tomorrow. But as always I am hopeful.
Hopeful about change, hopeful about my confidence in self. Hopeful that there is something called goodness. Today, I seem to have no fear, the justice or injustice bear no consequence to me. Wonderfully free, soaring in spirit.. the fool in me wonders why!
There is something about the rain, which essentially seems pure to me. I cannot help, but feel a sad kind of happiness when the clouds darken. It reminds me of all the beautiful memories I have cherished in the rain. All which I held and all which I have given up. The rains mesmerize me, hopeful again. Hopeful to be understood, or else hopeful to be lost in the crowd.
Hopeful about change, hopeful about my confidence in self. Hopeful that there is something called goodness. Today, I seem to have no fear, the justice or injustice bear no consequence to me. Wonderfully free, soaring in spirit.. the fool in me wonders why!
There is something about the rain, which essentially seems pure to me. I cannot help, but feel a sad kind of happiness when the clouds darken. It reminds me of all the beautiful memories I have cherished in the rain. All which I held and all which I have given up. The rains mesmerize me, hopeful again. Hopeful to be understood, or else hopeful to be lost in the crowd.
5/9/11
Past Perfect?
When we are small, we most often dream big. We cant wait to herald upon life. We find ourselves invincible and every wish
within reach. It is this early youth (teenage) when we are hazards to our parents peace of mind, when we clash with ideologies and when we charter new paths for our generation. These early years are often a very confusing parts of our lives. We aim big, we are most often reckless with time and love and are happily given the liberties of childhood.
(PS: Most confusing part of our life is when we have grown up and are "expected" to have a job, a family and the whole circus).
But while we are dreaming big, so it happens that we have no connection with the truths of life. When we begin to dream, we forsee life giving us a lot. The reality is that, Life takes a lot from you. It makes you stand at crossroads, asking you to make tough choices. Life asks you to survive, and the reality is that if you are not careful it most often kills your passion for living.
When we grow up, some seven eight years later, we have a much better understanding and more plausible dreams.. We have limited our dreams at times, because we know that we didnt give ourselves the right start. While journeying through every
moment uptill now we have accumulated a lot of experience. Our success and failures have taught us. We now seem to be saner, more practical and grown up versions of ourselves (but still very confused). We have obligations and responsibilities
and bills to pay. Many times while struggling to juggle the daily rigmaroles, we sigh and wish we had made wiser choises. We wish we had more courage then.
At times we wish to go back in the past and return our experiences to Ourselves (when we were sixteen year olds). The thing is that we are simply living right now. We have stopped thinking and living the moments as we go. If I asked you to give me
five points you wish to teach your sixteen year old 'self', each of you will falter. There are a lot many simple things/view points which I wish I had known.
There are many mistakes I could have avoided, many people I wouldnt have met and a very different path I might be walking. It could have been for the better, might have turned for the worse. Whatever it could be, I wish I could have showed my 'today' to myself eight years ago..
within reach. It is this early youth (teenage) when we are hazards to our parents peace of mind, when we clash with ideologies and when we charter new paths for our generation. These early years are often a very confusing parts of our lives. We aim big, we are most often reckless with time and love and are happily given the liberties of childhood.
(PS: Most confusing part of our life is when we have grown up and are "expected" to have a job, a family and the whole circus).
But while we are dreaming big, so it happens that we have no connection with the truths of life. When we begin to dream, we forsee life giving us a lot. The reality is that, Life takes a lot from you. It makes you stand at crossroads, asking you to make tough choices. Life asks you to survive, and the reality is that if you are not careful it most often kills your passion for living.
When we grow up, some seven eight years later, we have a much better understanding and more plausible dreams.. We have limited our dreams at times, because we know that we didnt give ourselves the right start. While journeying through every
moment uptill now we have accumulated a lot of experience. Our success and failures have taught us. We now seem to be saner, more practical and grown up versions of ourselves (but still very confused). We have obligations and responsibilities
and bills to pay. Many times while struggling to juggle the daily rigmaroles, we sigh and wish we had made wiser choises. We wish we had more courage then.
At times we wish to go back in the past and return our experiences to Ourselves (when we were sixteen year olds). The thing is that we are simply living right now. We have stopped thinking and living the moments as we go. If I asked you to give me
five points you wish to teach your sixteen year old 'self', each of you will falter. There are a lot many simple things/view points which I wish I had known.
There are many mistakes I could have avoided, many people I wouldnt have met and a very different path I might be walking. It could have been for the better, might have turned for the worse. Whatever it could be, I wish I could have showed my 'today' to myself eight years ago..
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