The balance-counterbalance Enigma

People expect answers, people expect decisions, people expect sorries, and then they also expect to find counter-explanations; all from the ruins of the other.

Let me put it this way-- i am a tired soul now, i feel as if iv been through a war-zone and frankly for now, i just want to lie down in my tomb,no matter how dilapidated it becomes, no matter how out-dated it becomes. 

Answers, i had then, now i lack the strength to render them.

Decisions i could have taken then, but without any co-operation they lacked meaning even then. Apologies- i humbled myself right then,but what i got even after that has made me resistant to this whole concept. And now i see no reason to move on that road ever again. Did my share of thinking, my share of festering my wounds. The inner-turmoil can take a toll on any ones resurgent spirit. So be it with me. 

Choices-- i never had any, so now I'll make them,no matter what. Iv spent years living under the shadow of the dreams which turned out to be my nightmare in the end. Iv spent years trying to be the perfect one. And as much as i analyse, it has led me no where. When you start giving yourself up to become someone else's dream -- the chaos can alienate you from your own self. I have undergone self-doubt, again and again and now I stand here before myself as I am, flaky to others, but making a whole lot of sense to my own self. I am no one's dream. I am now my own reality.

To make others believe in you, your past actions have to be believable and instill faith in the psyche of the other.But, as i said I'm tired of all the fettering about, the counter-explanations i need none. I judge none and I want no judgement and censure. 

Once i thought i deserved a lot more from others, now iv simply stopped being a fool. Whatever i deserve I'll accomplish it myself.

Peace Out!

Noticed it recently and did hurt me a little but then i think that now the response has long been over-due.

Now let me rectify my mistake,here on my own ground! A lost-so-called chum of mine has been very critical about his ex, for moving on after,note after he kind of left her himself. And last i read his blog there was some saga about why the three GOLDEN words have become a cliche,and what a bitch she has been to try to be happy without him! Well i kind of have the athourity to speak on this,and with due respects to him and her,let me begin.

"The problem with guys like you is that you are more interested in updating ur areas of residence and a string of so called friends rather than updating the relationship u have had in hand. And then u play the blame game when u she tries to be happy and yes that so-called Moving on!Because you seem to forget that it takes a lot of input into making anything forever. You had been lost in your own sweet world of wants and needs and friends and fun.How the girl passed her time was of no concern because eh-- we are a busy lot man,right! Big dreams and all, so she didnt quite cut the corner there.

The "three golden words" remain a cliche until you dont value the person you have.Being a dreamer and a romancer in name doesnt justify what you put the partner through.Its kind of selfish,putting up dictates which you urself dont follow. And atleast the 'she' in this case didnt hide her relationship from u or the world,unlike you who played around with all the chics available even though you had her in your life. "

 "   Love is a Phase of life, not Life itself, as i thought it'd be,

                   If not for you, At least for me       "

Love is ,believe me a lot more than words and dreams. It emcompasses trusting and  being trustworthy, giving and unselfish, and truthful -the BIG word. Being diplomatic  and revengful aint the way.Projecting yourself as the Martyr is not the way,though realising the mistakes is a sure shot way to become a man. When you hurt others- it does come back,maybe what you go through now, is that karmic justice!

Quit being a quibbler, faults are to be accepted and mended- not pushed away in corners!

Comfortable In the Mess

One problem we all face, at almost some point or the other. It goes like this- so what if i am hurting, so what if its not going the right way and most probably never will! Yet that effervescent bubble of hope, somehow suggests to us to wait and wait and wait. For what? Well that's an enigma, no one can predict. Time-dependant equation. That's all. 

 

We are so accustomed being used and abused, so comfortable being where we are, so unable to look ahead that we go through these millions of heart-breaks,millions of broken dreams being crushed beneath us in our sleepless nights. The circle is vicious as said so many times. But then, the circle is comfortable, and that's the underlying problem we conveniently forget.

To get out of any suffocating burrow, even you have to get your claws dirty to make your way of escape.Occasionally you will have to swallow some dirt, get hurt, go through indecisive moments pertaining to the way you should take.But at the end of the day- at least you will have some hope. Hope of maybe not being the happiest man on the planet, but hope of protecting your dignity and holding your head high. Hope that how your day turn out to be depends on you and some other special people who know your worth. 

We tend to stick to old-dead-no worth relations for no big reason, simply that they have become a habit one which we are used to. We know all the pros and cons, also know that down this road its all hell ; but that fortuitous corner of the mind will advise you to "cross the bridge when it comes. "

In this case bad choice!! Mostly that is. To be unfair to yourself- in the name of waiting, giving the so-called-happiness,not done!! It cant be practical, a decision so big, yet yet tomorrow is a day one should want to see,tomorrow is a day which should hold a chance for you.

The struggle is to see ahead first and then move ahead second.

I say this through experience (some mine some theirs), not mere words. 

Because when you finally open your eyes when outside that messy womb of comfortable complications- lots has gone by. Some which will never come back.

And it ain't as bad outside as we once feared. 

Often love stories move in reverse directions- two people process the same love with respect to time in completely antithetical ways.

For some, the depth of love grows as time spent increases- for some the love shown increases 

:-)

Its all so daft,its all so metaphorical. Because bottom line _ that abstract emotion is on the rise, your insecurities are reducing/sometimes increasing!! You both stand right, yet stubborn.

But when you unravel- you realise that no matter what,as long as it is still there, its worth all the effort and the characteristic madness.

Dawn

And when my thoughts undergo this turmoil, and when i want to scream at the injustice of it all,

there is this under-current of an impending change, one which will bring about a mutiny in my thoughts and actions, I know that it will profoundly impact my view-point.

Another emergence will occur, one which is awashed in itself, with the colours of the new beginnings-- the change which can not be assessed, yet the sublimity of its fine threads have to be held to, to finally stand at the shore of my peaceful serenity!!

Black to You

Death is

always

present as a climactic event that never happens to the

protagonist but

affects him profoundly..

And thats the vision of the balckness, the remorse and the morbidity.

I feel blessed, now that you are here. The journey has come alive, the destination i am looking forward to. Now that i know you will be there. Maybe it had to be so tough to reach there to stand by your side, just so that I know that this is where i belong, with you. 

When i look around us, and see what we have come out through,together and  when I think about the ever we are going to have, I know that the madness has just begun. 

May the Love,the Romance and our Madness never die!

These two quotes made me say- thats so damn true!

My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular.

  - Adlai E. Stevenson Jr.

If we were to wake up some morning and find that everyone was the same race, creed and color, we would find some other cause for prejudice by noon.

  - George Aiken

People do the darnest things! and frankly it aint amusing.

When u know what is right for you, it would be so much better if you took a step towards it, rather than giving bundles of excuses, they just drag time and effort and mostly hurt someone you care about.Accept what is there in your heart, and no use running away from whats the real thing. Moments are too fleeting to be evaded. 

There is a lot to tell you but first you have to have the heart to listen.