Let me put it this way-- i am a tired soul now, i feel as if iv been through a war-zone and frankly for now, i just want to lie down in my tomb,no matter how dilapidated it becomes, no matter how out-dated it becomes.
Answers, i had then, now i lack the strength to render them.
Decisions i could have taken then, but without any co-operation they lacked meaning even then. Apologies- i humbled myself right then,but what i got even after that has made me resistant to this whole concept. And now i see no reason to move on that road ever again. Did my share of thinking, my share of festering my wounds. The inner-turmoil can take a toll on any ones resurgent spirit. So be it with me.
Choices-- i never had any, so now I'll make them,no matter what. Iv spent years living under the shadow of the dreams which turned out to be my nightmare in the end. Iv spent years trying to be the perfect one. And as much as i analyse, it has led me no where. When you start giving yourself up to become someone else's dream -- the chaos can alienate you from your own self. I have undergone self-doubt, again and again and now I stand here before myself as I am, flaky to others, but making a whole lot of sense to my own self. I am no one's dream. I am now my own reality.
To make others believe in you, your past actions have to be believable and instill faith in the psyche of the other.But, as i said I'm tired of all the fettering about, the counter-explanations i need none. I judge none and I want no judgement and censure.
Once i thought i deserved a lot more from others, now iv simply stopped being a fool. Whatever i deserve I'll accomplish it myself.
Peace Out!
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