I am still the same as I was, but with a much more unfathomable facade. I am still as innocent in my dealings as I was, just that now I know when I am being made a fool of. I still have the same habits, I still laugh and cry the same.
I look the same and I feel the same. I am as vulnerable as I felt before, and as chaotic as I was since forever. I still stumble, walk in my wierd fashion, am as lost to the world, and in general I am still the same picture.
But there are some lines running across me, some good some bad. The good have made me resilient. It has made me fight for the people I love, ithas made me evaluate people on a whole new standard. The good has given me a direction, not a path but yes an independent turn.
Its the bad which will cause me to lose the fashion of emoting. I walk, I talk, I laugh and yes now I know the true cynicism leaching through me. I feel lost on days, I feel vulnerable. If I am now human, then it hurts. If I am no more human, then spare me this feeling of being emotionless. The road has taken me far away now. What once seemed true, now falls to dust. It kills me on some days, to look back and see what a waste it has been. May be the future will bring me back my peace.
Peace is what I want. For this new year, this specific month, I wish to lose nothing more. The warrior has lost all he could! Now he has returned home to get back the peace.
I plunder nothing, I need no conquests. I need the shell of my own mind to gaze as the stories of my life go by. I need no name, no title, I need no empathy or cruelty. I need to get lost in this wilderness of my own mind. For this new year, I need to feel closer to my own heart, to understand what this old guy wants. I quit all with dignity. I just retain my own will to mind a path for my mind, body and soul. Now I want to be happy.
I want to watch the days go by. Peace is what I want.
PS:And as the year begins, I want to remember the one person I miss the most each day.
Mom. Love you.
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