I want something new, something different, I want to break this losers streak i seem to suffer from some time! Its not about anything particular, I just miss realizing the dreams which i set for myself, i miss that feel of winning, i miss that satisfaction of a job well performed.

Maybe i'll learn from the mis-haps,and the not-so-mishaps.Maybe its just an empty feeling which makes me wish for new year today.Or should i dream less, be prepared for all eventualities, Life makes us all a cynic, atleast me- im a proven one. I prove time and again, that no matter what happiness i get, il be in this state-till when, i have no clue. 

No im not berating myself or my life or even Life in its whole. im just berating the downs one faces when dreams dont come true- when u stand as a man/woman who knows that the beginning has yet not started.

My time still hasnt come but it feels so long since iv lived :)

"Don't know what I was looking for when I went home, I found me alone

 And sometimes I need someone to say, "You'll be all right. What's on your mind?"
 But the water's shallow here and I am full of fear, and empty handed after two long years

 Another sunny day beneath this cloudless sky

 Sometimes I wish that it would rain here
 And wash away the west coast dreaming from my eyes
 There's nothing real for them to see here "

I'm scared shit right now, and that's not the only thing bugging me. 

my mind is in loopholes, angry, sad, petulant.everything going ping-pong at full speed.I have some things to do now, some liabilities/work which has to be fulfilled,yet my mind is not at a stable zone right now. And its my fault today. I was the one who stepped too ahead to search for what was never there.So if im feeling restless, i cant help it!

 i know what i want, i know my decisions finlly proved me right, but the feeling that something went wrong at my hands, rather something didnt turn up the way i assumed, is there. I faced this big detour, just when i thought it would all go fine. And i dnt want to face it again, ever.

So if this worry because of a multitude of reasons,is troubling me, i guess il have to give it some time to subside and return myself to the place where i had finally placated it to be.

-Mishka

Company Laws!

Have a large cage with 5 apes in it. Place stairs inside vertically and hang a banana at the top of it. Certainly, an ape will go to the stairs and start climbing towards banana.As soon as it touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with cold water. After a while, another ape makes an attempt with the same result- all the apes are sprayed with cold water.

This continues through several more attempts. Pretty soon, when another ape tries to climb the stairs , the other apes will try to prevent it. Now, turn off the cold water. Remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To its horror, all of the other apes attack him. After another attempt and attack, it knows that if it tries to climb the stairs, it will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm. Again, replace a third original ape with a new one.The new makes it to the stairs and is attacked as well.Two of the four apes that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest ape.

After replacing the fourth and fifth original apes, all the apes,which have no been sprayed with cold water, have been replaced. Nevertheless, no ape ever again approaches the stairs.

Why not? Because that's the way they've always done it and that's the way its always been around here.

And thatz how company policy begins..!

I hate to imagine myself in the rut, trying to break from the mould which has been created for anyone who would quietly acquiesce to his/her so-called destiny.

Somedays i feel that the battle can be won, other days i shudder to think of myself in it.Why can't it be simple as it should have been??What you think is what you get-wishful thinking i know.

But at the end of a stressful day, caught between choices, worries, chores whats left of me demands for simple happiness of life - May be trekking,  rafting,  exploring the whole world, enjoying time for once; with no issues no worries about past and future! 

Its then that the thoughts and realities and wants criss-cross and turn it claustrophobic.

As I live through each day, i find everyday complexities increasing;

Strangely,the years make matters of the heart simpler,

The dust of yesterday receeds, the picture clearer now.

Yet today the heart is somewhat bitter,

Because as i live each day,i try to ignore the hurt they throw at me, 

I try to be as calm as ever

I try to rebound every day to a new high, the purpose still the same.

But somehow, they appear to teach me a new lessons,

filled with regrets, i still pander on the distance.

I thought living a life was easy, you just had to set your prioritis in order,

Maybe just be into yourself and what matters to you.

But then they teach me now, the other defination of life(for some)

" LIES, malicious, cutting through your consciousness"

Lies which could hurt someone, whom you dont know for yourself.

In the everyday greed people go through, maybe simple idle talk,

they accuse, they bitch and they try to ridicule. 

Im filled with an anger beyond comprehension, when i feel this chain of forsaken feelings.

Before you hang someone to your judgement, before a gathering,

maybe you should try to know the truth or keep your bloody, fuckin mouth shut.

The hurt you have passed on to others will surely boomerang back to you.

(Hopefully triple the size)!

Im filled with resentment toward the people who hang the innocent with their lies.

Because who are you to judge others, when your own slate is definitely not clean.

Who are you to applaud the low moments of someone's life, when surely,you will have your own!

Who are you to pass off your own weaknesses, your own deceits to other?

Im filled with regret for these people, who have nothing better to do with their life.

The life they lived is shaped by the stories of others,the lows of the Loners, fill them with some weird sense of achievement.

Iv seen all this, sensed the sadness,the vulnerability,when people lie about you.

Sadly the ones who do this to you were your old friends or people whom you dont even talk to.

Sadly for them they have a paradigm shift in their priorities that too in the wrong direction.

Im done dealing with the strappings of the failure of others,and also, im done with being quiet.

Everything,moves in a perfect circle, what you have thrown to others will surely shit your future.