Best things come Free. True enough. All they require is a teeny bit of patience. A patiently waiting (wo)man is the one who will always win this battle of wits as well as pain. For some, patience pays soon, for others it brings with itself redemption on the way.

Christmas today!
wonderful day to look forward to. This year leaves its mark upon my soul. This time on my soul. For the wonderful journey which I walked through, for the wonderful people I met. and for the new realities I faced. For each new lesson I learned both in work and in life. For every bitter truth and for every sweet parting. For the joy which every moment brought me. For the tears which I wiped away.
I couldnt have missed any moment, for the beautiful teachings I have been taught.
Cynical, jaded and strengthed. Yet I think I am much more this year.
Yesterday is over. Today I have lived. Tomorrow is a big possibility.

Simply Love

Love has many faces. At times love is what you never expected, love takes faces which you never imagined.Yet true love feels strong. It makes you fight but never give up.
But love is what made me feel safe as well as desired.

Love made me dream of the future together. Love made me realize what loving is all about. Love can be persistent, now I know.

I smile at this thought. I smile at the moment which was today.

My feet found the ground again, and my head reaches for the sky!

Resilient Respect

Maybe

Time runs by! Yesterday it did, today again. But the wandering feels good now. It soothes, caresses, makes you feel its own and never does it leave you. Time makes changes, time is the savior again.
People have gone by, a callous nature sets in today. "So what!" my brain says. And now the heart lags on. I ponder on the questions of cynicism. I ponder over the unimportance of immortality. I am me, just me.
I bind no one, bounded by none. The world sets together at this moment, because as I sit alone for this single day, I am thinking about how thoughts have changed. My thoughts!
My feelings, taking a backseat for now, and the heart has gone for a run. Cold and numb, the heart warms at the solitude I face in the chilled night of my life.
I am Me, today, tomorrow and yesterday. And now I can hurt no one.
Standing over the mountain top, looking deep below, one side water surrounds me, and the valleys drench me with their view.
I see the sunset over the sea, I take in this moment. I turned out differently.
and I erase 'a' word
In ****
Out of ****
Damn ****

This is my today.

Laughter is what makes us Human. Only Humor will help you go through the worst and triumph in your best
its laughter which hides my tears, every time i fall, its humor which shows my inner strength. If this is my life, damn, i'll show you the perfect way it can be lived.
I'l live it perfectly, no shame in crying at my failures. No modesty when I find my Saviour, and nothing but out right glee when I reach another milestone.
Milestone, because my journey will never ever end.
I am a free laughing bird.


At peace,and at war.

the dream.

Jessy knew then. This was special.
She said-

" he made me smile, my heart if nothing but free. Finally someone is here, to accept my cynical self. To gather me, and to take pride in my imperfections.
For him, I am the world, for him I stand true. for him I am what life means. To call me, to wait for me and break me and cherish me.
For him I exalt in my being, with him I am strong. He is the cloud which shades me, understands the million facades I have. Appreciates my agony and wants me and all my jaded heart. He gives me all, patiently waiting for me to understand, the million ways he would live his life 'only' for me.

Him I know, would never surrender me, him I know would never break my heart. Him I know would hold me tight and make me realize my zillion dreams. He knows the twinkle in my eyes, the mischief breaking through my smile as well as the slight droop around the corners of my lips.

For him my eyes are his world, the strands of my hair holding his world strong. For it is him, who puts me to sleep, waking up at my first call. In his million tiny ways he came through my jaded heart. Asking me not to hate, yet understanding my need to hate. He has seen through my teary eyes, the low voice. He has followed me places, just to be near me. In many ways, it is now that I feel at the receiving end of love instead of the giving. Being spoiled with love is something new. "

And Jesse knew. This is special. Being cared for, being taken care of is something so new.

Eddy said- 'Your bad times just begin'!

Eddy shouted out to the world, in pain and in agony

'I don't forgive nor do I forget.

For all the suckers, for all the failures of my life
Do blame me for all your future unhappiness,
remember that when a tear falls from your eyes, its me who is praying out there for you to tear your heart apart in pain, in humiliation.
Each time any one of you crosses my path, i'l do my best to spoil your life. I will curse your happiness so much that not a single good prayer can reach you. Each day your heart is heavy, your life a shamble, blame me. I will be the reason behind it all.

The wrongs you have done to me, will come back in multiples to you, your love and your life. Everything you hold dear will fade out. And your tomorrow will be what you made my today- alone, disappointed and surprised at your duplicity.

When you cry- remember its me who has prayed with all my being for you to be miserable. The bad will come back to you, when you abandoned a friend, so will you get it back. When you took the side of wrong, so will it come back. And when you cheated, so will that come back.
Remember its your time now.'

Eddy said - 'Your bad times just begin'!

My strength doesn't come from bringing you down, my strength doesn't come from hitting you when you reach your lows. My strength comes from knowing the difference between right and wrong.
I am not the picture of ego and false pretenses, I'm not the God or Dog of living with hate. I don't feel this need to be a master of my destiny.
I live with hope, hope for a new day when the pain recedes, when it stops, when it nullifies to zilch. Now I live with 'peace' of mind. And now I live with me! I had people, had dreams of putting an act together but now just lessons.
And it works out for the best, I suppose.
The baggages I leave, the memories I burn, the wants I bury. The people long dead, their acts of disappointment too much to bear. Like the sea, I keep it quiet. Too quiet. And after everything I persevere. Because beliefs hold, faith sticks. I chose what I believe in, and whom I have faith upon. Because life abounds with disappointments, and heretics to 'your' faith(fullness).
My strength comes not from masquerading as 'a high on life lover' it comes from knowing that I stand at 'Right'
Happiness comes from not being afraid to stand alone, and now I am truly Happy.
I gift them their false beliefs, false code of living and friendship and love. Its what segregates the coward from the brave.
and truly
' Everything, everything Ends! '

broken dreams

We will always be embers of unfinished dreams.
Some people to their credit never give up on theirs.
But for most of us its not how it generally goes!
I mean usually its not always a speeding bus or an illness, that keeps the dreams from getting built. Most of the time, it is just too difficult, to expensive, too scary or requires too much courage.
Its only once you've stopped, that you realize how hard it is to start again.
So is it with life, so is it with love. When you stop feeling them, at any point, its improbable you will start to feel it again. And so you force yourself not to want it. The pretexts are many, reasons abound. We at times blame fate, at times people. We find happiness in diversions. We try and forget the real deal, the real feel. But how far does that take us?
Truthfully its all there in some long thrown background. And believe me, these lost dreams are always there and until you finish it, they will always be.

After all we are just embers of broken dreams.

15th july to 15th october
three months of trying to erase the past, three months of recreating memories
and three months of friendships and fights!
trials and errors and some jubliations. what a see-saw, what should I say about bangalore!
A city to which I first came with a smile, and a song in my heart, left it with doubts, re-entered with regrets and leaving with new memories. Three months of trying to love the place, and finally leaving it at 'just thinking'.
I have gathered all the memories, first few months were a ball, in a field i hardly knew. New friends, mix of cultures, learning a different meaning of 'chumma'!
A night at Jimmi with colleagues, putty-book, coffee breaks were a leg-pulling time.
And towards the end a wonderful date with an amazing guy!

Loved it, and will miss the special people I met here, some I will meet again, others I hope to meet again.
It was an experience which held me high, made me string and taught me to survive!
As I leave it, my mind is cleared of doubts, my will strong.
These three months were the time of my life.
Will miss it all.
But I know I will make it,
Happy Life
:)

Quiet is peace.
Tranquility.
Quiet is turning down the volume knob on life.

Silence is pushing the 'off' button.
Shutting it down.

All of it. It wasnt the self imposed silence of those with convictions, protestors who seek to speak their cause by not speaking at all.
It was the silence of one who has taken cover in a dark place, curled up all the edges and tucked them under.

Jerry the mouse

The 'punny' little rat spoke, and look just how!
Should I laugh, or should I cry. Well this time I send the cries over to you, because I did my fair share and you didnt.
And you do have a female-rat in attendance with you now :)
Fair enough!
Now talking about The famous line 'What goes around,comes around'
well I did good, so my today, away from a sic cheating bastard like you seems good enuf.
Just take care of your today RAT and now out of your hiding hole, get a life.
Because it would be hard for you to do that.

And Mr.Rat, you are the easiest to forget with all your festering slime.
Go spout the same cheesy lines, which you always do
Now scoot off or we are going to need a rat kill!
:P

the best of me

Month of revelations!
month of breaking free.
well now the erase is complete, slightly jarred though at ease.

the stumbles are final, more than this not possible, and if they are.. i know i can deal with anything.
Three years before who would have thought of today, who would have thought of the heights u climb, the facades u put up and the hate u grow in your heart.
the innocence is lost, its what u see, that u learn.

The guilt is yours to carry, coz now my heart stays at peace, by breaking myself up, i gave it a chance to rebuild from the scratch.
Would curse u(destiny) in all probability, yet it will work out, because now out of the chains, all i have is the best of me.

The best of me, would suffice to laugh at your plighty state, your 'lady' luck doomed forever, hurt haunts her day in and day out. The wounds she festered in my blood, wreck her heart day in and day out. May the soreness ache her soul and crash her for years to come.
And simply, What goes around comes back around.
For you, growing up would be the best kick in ur nuts!! And so I laugh aloud at the rat you are, because hiding is what you SHOULD do now.
Lady luck dooms you forever and you be her unlucky charm, this is my blessing to the unworthy heart
and now forever I laugh at the mirage u seemed.
All I have is the best of me

which to bury, us or the hatchet?

I find it so upsetting that, the memories that you select you keep the bad but the good you just forget.
And even though I'm angry I can still say, I know my heart will break the day
when you peel out and drive away.
And all this time I never thought
that all we had would be all for naught

No, I don't hate you,don't want to fight you
but right now I just don't like you, cause you took this too far

Make your decision and don't you dare think twice
go with your instincts along with some bad advice
this didn't turn out the way I thought it would at all
you blame me but some of this is still your fault

I tried to move you, but you just wouldn't budge
I tried to hold your hand but you'd rather hold your grudge.And wisdom always chooses
these black eyes and these bruises, over the heartache that they say
never completely goes away



--edited version of a fabulous song!

Mai tanha thi, mai tanha hu.. Tum aao to kya, na aao to kya..?

Nothing grieves more deeply or pathetically than one half of a great love that isn't meant to be..

I never thought i could become your 'loneliness.' and sitting here, where all is new n yet so familiar, the knwledge is a shock! The fool is who still believes and the fool is I. Trying each day to become a 'wise man' like u. May the 'fun' last for u, may the smoke and charm be forever. May u sin as u want to, may there b no 'looking back' for u. Doesnt seem, so no fear there.The fool hits the hardest, and shatters the best! Cheers to ur living it the way u want to. May the dreams persist.

time for goodbyes (all over again)

I feel at loss right now. Every thing, every moment, every happiness, I leave here.
Maybe to come back, possibly never to come back. Every time we fall, we learn to hope again. So did I. And so will I. Because I'm leaving every moment here, in this place. Starting over again? Is it possible? Possibly no.

Because, learning from your mistakes, makes you a better man (woman in my case).Every time I hit the bottom, what makes it worth is the lessons I learn. What makes it worth is the true face of people I see, people I consider(ed) my own. What makes it worth is that never again in my life, shall I go back on the same mistakes. Because when this time I hit the bottom, every person around me, made it worth the hurt. Because this time I hit harder than before.
I am not any kind of martyr, I am not the forgiver. I am no longer the friend, no longer the foe. I am no longer the love, no longer the hate. Because this time I hit harder and possibly beliefs were broken (in place of bones).

Iv been living with a shadow overhead
Iv been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
Iv been lonely for so long
Trapped in a past
I just cant seem to move on!

There are moments when I don't know if its real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel

All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I cant make it through without a way back into love!



Thank 'You' for this.
It made me hope again :)

In life only one thing is certain, apart from death and taxes. No matter how hard you try, no matter how good your intention you are going to make mistakes. You, are going to hurt people and you are going to get hurt.
And if you want to recover, there is really one thing you can say "I forgive you."
Its good advise but its not very practical.
When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. When someone wrongs us, we want it to be made right. Without forgiveness, old scores are never settled, old wounds never heal.

And the most we can hope for is, that one day we will be lucky enough to forget the hurt!

some days, some moments are just a piece of 'every days.' They seem to have no impact on the regularities of our high-strung lives. They come and go away just in a blink. They leave us, they give us small tit-bits to remember and then with that same peacefulness they walk away.
These are the days which make no great expectations from us, these are the days when you don't feel the wrath of time, ticking away.

Such days, give us time to cherish the days gone by, these are the days which help re-collect and make plans.
On days like today, just lie back and smile, because whats gone was never meant to be, and whats coming, you can never be prepared for it.
Lie back and put that music on, get that bed ready to keep dreaming on. Because whats here today is what matter.

make a plan maybe, get dressed maybe, put that smile today.
because on days like today, I think it will be just all right!

Life is what we make it?
is it molded by the people we meet and depart away from? Or is life just a simple culmination of thoughts and the subsequent proceedings we make upon those.
Is it simple or is it the toughest call god makes us take?
we all have thought about things and experiences we are dished out, be it love, be it gratefulness or be it sheer betrayal, there is a lot we have to make decisions about.
Possibly this chaos is what takes us over the brink,
possibly at times we just need to lay down and close our eyes and ears to this noise.

Possibly, changes are what 'regular' means.
Possibly we should be prepared to give up something and get something n return.
I know the idea is weird, trying to generalize emotions and losses like this, yet to come back, everyone has to make up some story.
May be this is the story I have for now.
Maybe knowing that it will get better than the hurt of today, maybe having this hope will ease me out of the dis-comfort.

Life will take care of itself, I just have to be resilient
:)

strange
but i wish for my mother to hold me and tell me
'i love you'
and thats the only love i need for now

i hope this is heaven, because i just don't understand me any more (( for now )).
hope and heaven - juxtaposing or a culmination?
I hope this is my another chance, because i want another chance. would you give me another chance?

Iv got problems, ((but so does everyone)) but still i hope for another chance.

Life in a Love.

Escape me?
Never—
Beloved!
While I am I, and you are you,
So long as the world contains us both,
Me the loving and you the loth,
While the one eludes, must the other pursue.
My life is a fault at last, I fear:
It seems too much like a fate, indeed!
Though I do my best I shall scarce succeed.
But what if I fail of my purpose here?
It is but to keep the nerves at strain,
To dry one's eyes and laugh at a fall,
And baffled, get up to begin again,—
So the chase takes up one's life, that's all.
While, look but once from your farthest bound,
At me so deep in the dust and dark,
No sooner the old hope drops to ground
Than a new one, straight to the selfsame mark,
I shape me—
Ever
Removed!

I think I cry about a love
which I havent found yet

Hate the [L]?
Guess what...



yeah now guess what you can do
-->> Hurt the [L], then Murder it.
Extreme?
Naah.

lessons just dont stop

today has been a strange day.
with every passing moment, i learned something new.
and right now at a freakish 3 in the morning I realized yet again

I am a fool.
at the end of all the kicks and craps, we humans cant let go of this damn stupid thing called
'expectation'

What a load of crap
(friends would be there to offer you a shoulder
your ex would be a decent enough human being to say a good word (after all the time)
'people' you care about would at least care enough to know when they hurt.)


but as it turns out
thought of this hour,
expectations are bull-shit
because no matter whom you stood for, no matter how much you love/d a person
bottom line, at the end it turns out to be selfishness which wins
bottom line, its all the fun and frolic which is ever accounted for.

bottom line
love stands for no meaning.
men and women want all the happiness and sunshine, but step one toe out of the line

and then love stands no meaning.
time to go, time to move back into the shell.
time to quit their facades.

Thank You :(

What 'happened', 'happens'. So i love to lie now, and break hearts! :)

I heard you saying the 'blog' shall set you free, yes it did.
Go blog the sorrows, i love it this way!


[Possibly blogging couldn't set me free
Hope this would.
And hope that all what the page showed me, translates to freedom.
I wish to end this right now, after the 'above'
Cruel!
and hope that now 'the lines go dead']

:-|
and forever I wish to remember these lines.
Forever.

cant understand.

Sometimes, explanations are never the way
Because towards the end it would all sort out.

And a time will come
when your beliefs will again change,
because we all are full of randomness.
This delinquent symphony we string along
this masochistic game you are so used to play.
And a time will come again when your know-hows will have to change

And then you will understand the depth of your deeds.

And so I remove the hate from this page
and so I remove the hate from my life.

Why is this page at times my only solace?

The Story!

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you

I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
And baby I broke them all for you
Oh because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
You do and I was made for you

You see the smile that's on my mouth
It's hiding the words that don't come out
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed
They don't know my head is a mess
No, they don't know who I really am
And they don't know what I've been through like you do
And I was made for you...

random

Just a typical day when you go through your collection of notes and lines and letters and poems. And then you find some lines which touch you the most.

Extract- April 26th 2008

"You know i miss you kiddo and how much i love you.You make me feel loved, you make me feel safe, but more importantly, you make me feel wanted. Something that I hadn't felt in a very long time. We both knew ur friendship would grow right from the very first day we spoke. But, neither one of us could begin to imagine the love we both feel, not exploding or thundering into our hearts, but just slowly growing into a beautiful relationship that only you and I can understand.

We don't even need to be together, we are never apart.
You are my soul mate, my best friend, my inspiration, my love."

The word ringing through my mind is 'SANITY'
its what I want the most, maybe because for me that has begun to get equated with 'PEACE'
Took a stand yesterday, regretted butting my head, retreated today.
Because, how can you change a mind made up?

cheshire cat

Mundane.
and Fabricated.
Thats what it becomes once you start making choices which take you to a path so different from the plan.
Maybe its good to have a plan, a map work of what you deem important and parallel to your thoughts. Or may be a plan simply constricts the possibilities.

I oscillate between the questions. And sadly I have time to kill.

:-)

Jumped off a 20 feet cliff into The Ganga waters, this weekend.
never before, did i feel this rush.

Free Fall rocks!

My June

Today has lasted all this while, random hazy collection of thoughts have come and gone by.
But as the summer sun climbs the zenith, so does this pride, so does this want.
Could become the star, could become the moon,
the world is all for my today.
The beauty of June lies in its innocence, its grace and its almost not-there feel.
And the peaceful heart realizes
A lot has gone by,
people whom you stood for, were simply another mirage.
but lets leave it now.
Because, as you stand alone, alone yet powerful in your simplicity,
Its then that life starts the show only for you.
its then that it all unfolds
Yet again,
No one else's dream
I am ONLY 'my' Reality
And thats the real beauty of this June day !

With time, with every futile effort, and when you reach the end of one story- you learn to give up or give in to that emotion.
But is being constant the real challenge of today or growing up, accepting and changing? After the darkness, after you have laid down your randomness, it is then that the lesson becomes your aftermath.
Everyday I still struggle, and I know the struggle will keep on going.
Not Because, I am weak, But because 'then' was perfect and now, I have to make it better than perfect. Not a mean feat.

loL
Laugh?
Naah, its a feeling much stronger.
Now im a total CYNIC..

Yes- widowed thats what you just became

If I could change my name, move to another town.
If I could work everything in a different way,
turn into a kid and grow up again.
So much to change,
So much to forget
So many people I wish had never met
Others I wish I could hug them tighter
Only if life would had no regrets

No use, No use.
Its no use now.
When times change, lunge the corpse of your happiness around.
You quit, I quit,
I cant keep pretending now.

Keeping the faith was the harder thing,
hoping that tomorrow we would see dawn again, was hardest.
Yet as you fail to believe, here you fail me.
I wish I could scream, i wish I could shout,
No way to show this hurt around :(
Closing up like a dying bird, I chop my wings tonight.
I seem this, I look like that
Yet I still dont know what your lesson has been about

I dont believe in good
I dont believe In people
I dont believe that Love can cure it all.
I dont want to believe in belief right now
You have torn me down to my pieces.

....................................................................................
It is/was the last.

last letter she wrote to him in this digital age. words she had, love she had, he had none.
SO
Girl- Now 'Thank' him for the final teaching!
Boy- Take your love and carry on hating her till the 'end'


Finally this is the end.
.....................................................................................

This change of mine

College life is over both factually and now again virtually!

Everyday I see updates on the social networks- miss you's, proud batch mates, and photographs of teary farewells. makes me feel out of this race of bidding adieu. Strange, few months back I thought leaving college would be this big emotional drama of my life, would create a lacuna in this happy go lucky world of mine.
Few months later- zipping to today, I stand proved wrong. This apathy to the big emotion of stepping out of the college world neither stuns me nor seems too normal to me. Turns out, its people and memories you cherish rather than some building.
This sense of melancholy I see in my college mates, maybe because the feeling of change has hit them just some weeks back. If I think it over,it would be their near and dear ones they would miss, they would miss the routine which graduation provided, the sense of security.

I haven't over-analysed this hardened heart of mine till now. Sure it pinches me when I see the people I spent 4 years of my life smiling and waving in photographs. Sure its weird that here I am away from all the known, living in the unknown. Sure its a sense of sadness when I see millions of memories of hundreds of people and not even one is of mine.
But I guess its all right. Its all well, because Iv had months to acclimatize to this scenario. I dn't feel pity or sadness, its just a sense of bewilderment! (How could plans change so much? How could it turn out to be so. Few men and women I called my own, how could they have changed so much?)

I am no longer a woman, who would freely portray her feelings, most of the time what I say now is some jumbled up facade.
Doesn't matter if i am not in the memory or default albums of people, I guess its all in the head. Won't dedicate big words and lines and poems to this feeling, all I have to say is
Would miss this life I had been living, would miss the 'people' who made their place in my heart. Some stood the test of time, some sadly fell apart. Yet
College life was fun!
:)

It's been raining since you left me
Now I'm drowning in the flood
You see I've always been a fighter
But without you I give up

Now your pictures that you left behind
Are just memories of a different life
Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry
One that made you have to say goodbye
What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair
To touch your lips, to hold you near
When you say your prayers try to understand
I've made mistakes, I'm just a (wo)man

Well, there ain't no luck
In these loaded dice
But baby if you give me just one more try
We can pack up our old dreams
And our old lives
We'll find a place where the sun still shines

And I will love you, baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don't rhyme
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you - Always

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that i'm hearing are starting to get old
Feels like i'm starting all over again
The last two year were just pretend

It hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want whats yours and whats mine
I want you but i'm not giving in this time

Good-bye to you
Good-bye to everything that i knew
You were the one that i loved
The one thing that i tried to hold on to

Ma.

Ma,
You have no replacement. You are still the shining star of my life.
I wish you were here with me, I wish we would have bonded the way mothers and daughters do. You have been the woman I look up to, you have been my inspiration in every way, at every step.
Now that your girl has become a woman; I wish you would have been here to see me. because your love would have softened all the blows, your presence would have comforted me when i was at my lowest, your hands would have soothed my broken heart.
I remember you Ma, your love, your care, your patience and at times your impatience.
I miss your wake up calls at 5 am. I miss how you edged me on to read. Thats your legacy to me.
I love the way you hummed some tunes, i miss the way you looked splendid in you silk saris.
I will always look up to you, you still make me proud. There is so much to say about you, and suddenly i find words are less. The beauty and grace you showed, the child-like happiness you found in everything from a flower to the cool wind, everything about you is special Ma. You still reside in my heart, your space is always there..
Your the woman i wish I would be, I wish I still had you, your presence is thoroughly missed yet even in your absence you lead me on.
And thats you Ma.
Your my idol- and hopefully you will be proud of your girl.
Hopefully I'll fulfill all the dreams you and dad have for me.
Love you Ma- Happy Mothers Day

No, no, not now, not ever would I be the fool again.
Because the lessons of love and this life have been made so damn plain.
Not now, Not ever again, would I fall to your tricks again

Song of 3 Months!

Then- Sundar sundar
vo haseena badi sundar sundar
mai to khone laga uske nashe mei bin peeye bekha


Now- Ek din usse bhula doonga mai
Uske Nishan mita doonga mai
Chahinga na mai uss patthar ko
Ja usse bata de!

I lost but at least I didn't lose the lessons!
With great tragedies, come the biggest lessons,
with the fall of great stories, comes the pain,
but when the pain recedes, its then that the lessons arise form the ashes.

(Could have, would have, should have!)
Turns out this big change we thought would come,
did come, just as a storm which blew all apart.
Turns out, my definition of ever lasting happiness
was just a bit jumbled up.
Some Logical error out there.

I am confused, and at times there is nothing I am more sure about.
Was this a mirage, was it a futile trace of my dreams.
Was it the birth of new thoughts,
Or was it the happiness of life?

I am Confused, yet at times there is nothing i feel more sure about.
A day today, another day tomorrow.
everyday is a random hazy collection of memories,
every single day is the trip to make it all right.

loL.

In love
Out of love
DAMN love!

another day..

In a different surrounding once again, and the change I feel around is what makes me go on after the debacle. I talk to myself, or may be I talk to you. I tell you what I feel each moment, I tell you what it felt like when you were there with me. I tell you how wonderful our togetherness was. And strangely I feel happy for the moment, but then the realization sinks in again.
Things go around, and (they say) come back again. Life moves on, as for you, so for me. But this transition is the hardest, and words are all I have.
But as in life, so has this taught me lessons. Lessons which are too diverse as of now, to be thought out rationally. Its the moment when you feel all too much, and try to run away from these realities. But as in life, so have these realities a tendency to pull you back.
For each moment we have lost, for each moment we could have had, for each moment that we stay apart..
For all the happy times, for all we had had,
Its all right.

I may fudge this up, I may mess this through and through.
No more advices to be heeded.
In thought, in action, in my very own way, guess it can be done.
may be or maybe not,
but why go for a no show?
?
It can be done,until i am proved wrong .. i suppose i have to go for it.

Last Conversation:
She said-But I still love you
He said- I really need to go and smoke.



Some Endings-
Just PRICELESS..!

need a dream to carry on the monotone. need a reason to start the dream.
need to believe to dream.
leaving the comfortable, the known, in search of the new.

Be cryptic, Love Cryptic.
Be Fabulous, Live Fabulous.

Resolve.Resolved.

Its morning, rather a very late version of morning. and life is as peaceful as it can be. Im back to my love, my one true love. I write again, and that's as happy as it can get.
And now I feel it all- I dont know what I knew before, but now I know I want to win this war.

Now I know that this is what life has to be, full of what I want to do. This is what life should be- having a reason to smile thinking of tomorrow. This is what it can be, a journey I cant wait to herald upon.
Another learning curve is done for, now I wait for the break.
It will get better, it will get really better as soon as im done surviving this free fall. And then I decide, I wont hide, wont regret.
Lets Change from small plans to big ones(saner ones)

Change
Change
Cryptic Change.
Wings are wide.
The truth lies
The truth lied
And lies divide

Not anymore- Flabbergasted.

Love [never] remains the same

The night has gone, and so has the loneliness. The day brings with it, a new resolution, a will to fight all the odds you lay against me. It was yesterday when I woke up with a start and finally realized what its been like for the past months. Not a great feeling, but at least the numbness has been shaken off.
Today silence surrounds my being, yet a feeling is there. Injustice. And it reverberates the air. Anger streaks through me, and then its all silent. Now you've pushed me towards mis-trust once again, yet again, I change my beliefs.
Its not you- you can never be so powerful, I'll never let you be that powerful. Its me who will mold myself once again, this time to the heights you can never reach in your lifetime.
Weakness. This is for you. I'll never let you invade my soul.I'll feel, I'll work this out, and I'll become someone you never imagined me to be. The goodness stays inherent, yet its something which i think should be hidden.
You will never be the reason, because after all the trials you've put me through, after all the anger trooping down me, the fights and the love we've been through, the loneliness you've put me through, I decide to forgive you your weaknesses.

The wrongs you did to me, I forgive them, because the memory of your rights still warms my heart. Your selfishness killed me, but somewhere down the road of resurrection- its your past kindness which helped me feel my worth.
Finally your charades are over- at least you are true to yourself if not to me. As you have chosen your path, I turn my back on to you and take mine. The path has diverged, I know my sins, but do you??
I believe in retribution, so when will you pay??
if we ever meet again 'weakness'- know that i'll turn my back to you, as you have done to me.
I forgive you for your hardened heart, I forgive you for this pain you put me through, I forgive you for your misguided direction, I forgive you for our broken dreams, I forgive you for the perpetual wait. Its your life, live it, find your second heaven- because what you had was our heaven- our lost heaven. I put a lock on its gates today, and walk away.
Weakness thy name is Love.
Gavin Rossdale was wrong- Love never remains the same.

Iv run enough, and iv got acceptance now. I hold the thought in my heart, and let the feeling run wild through my system. Iv chastised myself for being the Fool yet again. But im done doing that. Time will tell what we were, time will tell what we lost!

Late posting- 12/04

More relaxed right now, yet the fear of losing you haunts me day and night. I do perceive that may be the time is just not right, yet somehow the way life is going on, feels so alone. I have you yet your presence is thoroughly missed. As i am stumbling through these road blocks we have created, I have to believe that we will survive! Because belief is the only way i am preventing myself from getting shattered. Every day, every time i feel ignored by you- its as if all my dreams have crashed and screwed my heart. Yet when i hear your voice, i wish with all my heart that 'we' will survive. Right now i feel shattered, the man with whom i wanted to share my success, is the one who seems the most lost to me! If this is happiness then i guess i was better off with our not so happy times when you were there. Its easy to say that change has to be accepted- but why only change for bad, why not show me more love for a change.
As the night goes on, i think whats there tomorrow, why do i believe yet i keep losing hope..